UPDATE: It’s OK.

Have you ever felt so drawn to an idea or thing and just dove right in. Your steps and and plans are unorganized, there are a lot of what ifs and no security in the decision, but you know that it is just what you are supposed to do. Well, that was me at the end of last year.

Coming off a failed semester of nursing school and questioning everything I felt I knew about myself and my future, I had a few weeks left in my second attempt at the semester before being thrust out into the real world to face NCLEX and the job hunt. Late one night I was laying discontent in bed when I decided to pull out my laptop and look into what prospects lie ahead for me. Nurse residencies/ internships had not really opened for Spring 2019, but I was looking for what could potentially be offered.

After the ordeal of nursing school and carefully considering my hard-fought journey in getting to this point, I was headstrong and determined. Searching and searching I could not find a potential residency for NICU or Women’s Services, period. Headstrong, I thought why not expand the search? Previously, I had entertained the idea of relocating, but felt it was unreasonable for me to pursue, but this night bI was convicted that God would not have put these desires in my heart for nothing, and that I deserved nothing less than to work in a specialty that I was passionate about. It took realizing that God would not bring me this far to forsake me to not settle for less than I desire. At this point I don’t remember how I got to the job post, but a summer NICU position was available in Oklahoma.

I didn’t immediately pull the trigger and apply, again relocating seemed unrealistic for my situation at the time. However, the seeds of possibility and curiosity were planted. Fast forward a few days, and that Sunday was a continuation of a month-long series of sermons surrounding the bible verse, 1 Corinthians 13:13. I hadn’t attended services in weeks, so I wasn’t aware until my pastor began to speak that this had been the church’s focus, and more importantly that the week I finally returned would be the week that the topic of hope was being discussed. Right then and there I knew that God had intended that message for me. I pulled out my notebook, bible, and pen to follow along:

“Hope is the confident assurance of what’s to come… Our hope is sure, based on the character of God and the promises of God.”

CHARACTER: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

(Romans 15:13) NIV

PROMISES: “For I know the plans I have for you declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” 

(Jeremiah 29:11) NIV

Just hearing my pastor’s words that day, even though I could go and read them for myself, renewed the hope I had for myself and my future. I went home and grabbed a dry erase marker and wrote in the top left the corner of my mirror that Romans 15:13. I looked at that verse and recited it each morning as I was getting ready.  Each day I kept getting up and showing up where I was needed, and weeks later I finally applied for the NICU position in Oklahoma. I also applied to an RN-to-BSN program and was accepted and graduated from nursing school. I renewed my BLS and updated my resume and cover letters, and I was going to enjoy the longest break I had had in six-ish years. There was a new hope and contentment I had not experienced in the six years I was in school.

Our security is in the hope we have because of Jesus Christ based on God’s character and his promises. Prior to this, when I would hear someone say they were renewed from getting back into the church, I would nod my head and think sure, but each time I step away I feel the pitfall of it all and come back. There is a hope and security that can only be felt when you give yourself over and trust in the Lord, and I hope that for you all. I hope that every burden, anxiety, and uncertainty is cast off from you and that you can rest assured that your labor in the Lord is not in vain, 1 Corinthians 15:58.

 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for preserving us for another week. I pray that you move our attention to the week ahead and that you order our steps accordingly. Thank you for each new breath that brings about a new day, so that we may continue on the path you have set for each of us. Please help to transform our attitudes and ambitions this week. For me personally, help give me an open heart of forgiveness and end this spirit of fatigue so that I may have hope and show hope to others. I love you and praise you for all that you are and for what you have and will do in our lives.

In Christ Jesus name, AMEN.

 

 

 

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