I left the test frustrated and feeling defeated. Y’all, my little feelings were hurt after taking that test. I sat for my NCLEX on January 29th, 2019. All the way up until I actually started the exam I did not experience any anxiety, for me, I feel very comfortable taking exams, and I am always confident that I either know the testing materials well enough or not at all and I assume my responsibility for both. So walking into the exam was going to be fine. I was going to get 75 questions instead of the possible 265 and I was only going to need only an hour, then I was going to have the rest of my day to relish in becoming a Registered Nurse. I arrive at the testing center early, standing outside of the office door a 0700, they let me in thirty minutes later because my exam was scheduled for 0800. At this point I am still not nervous, I receive my instructions and a number and take my seat before being checked in.
As I am sitting about five other students from my graduating class arrive, I get excited, Oh yay! There are friendly faces. This is going to be just like exam days in school. I get through all of the security checks and am seated in the exam room, I place those noise-canceling headphones over my ears and start my test. Twenty minutes in I reach question 30, I’m excited, nearly halfway done mostly SATA and going strong. I reach 45…50…60…70…75. I click NEXT and 76 pops up. Anyway, that doesn’t fluster me, I’ve met people whose exam cut off at 76. 76…80…93…100…121. I could feel it, my exam was going to shut itself off at any time now. If you’ve ever heard of Kubler-Ross five stages of grief, then this is the point where that process began for me.
I was fine, in denial, but fine. Oh well, I’ljust take 100 questions and be done like in nursing school. I’m not going to have taken all 265. DENIAL. What is this, I don’t deserve this. I will be a good nurse. DEPRESSION. At this point, I had begun to cry twice during the exam, but in the words of KELLY CLARKSON, “no tears will fall from these eyes.” I refused to cry, let alone on camera. Please God, if you could just end the exam now. I wouldn’t mind a fail at a 120ish and to come back. But do not let me fail at 265 just to have to come back and do it again. BARGAINING was getting me nowhere. At this point in the exam, the answers were too obvious, so I started to get angry with myself and with the test. This ANGER phase was met with teary eyes too. I made the conscious decision to stop the exam and go for my snack and a walk. I was walking slowly up and down the various hallways, dreading returning to my seat. I finished my snack and reluctantly went back. I sat down and reopened the exam, only this time I had met ACCEPTANCE. I realized I was going to have to take all 265 questions once I reached question 150. The number kept climbing and I was becoming frustrated, tears threatened to spill down my cheeks once again, but again I refused to let them record me have a meltdown. My questions were starting to get easier, and the panic was setting in quicker.
I was past 200 questions and losing hope of passing, then I remembered preparing for my nursing school entrance, and the recruiter saying that it was a psychological test, that no matter if I knew the answers or not, just finish the test. Both times I did what she said. The first time, I clearly passed because I’m writing this post, the next time, I got to question 265 on NCLEX.
I held my breath as the last few questions went on the screen trying not to rush through and throw the last questions away, I closed my eyes and prayed. Dear Lord, I know if I pass this stupid test it is only because of you, my entire testimony is because of you. I had no clue what was going on for more than half of this test and I am trusting you to turn this around. You created all things, all of this nursing stuff and the people who created this test, you can make my answer right and help them to pass me. Thank you, God, for what you have done here today and what you will continue to do. Question 265, SUBMIT!
The screen jumps to 266, then 267…268…. and on and on, I was so confused. I was scared to click out of the test thinking that how I answered these last set of questions would be a determining factor for whether or not the mean NCLEX lady would pass or not. At 271, I noticed the button to exit the exam, I was so mentally exhausted at this point I no longer cared to complete the next set of questions. CLICK! My exam ended there.